he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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