what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize