I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
