break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
