I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
