Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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