Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
