So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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