Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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