I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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