did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
