My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
