The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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