you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize