escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
