Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
