There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How's work?
Spinning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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