I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
