He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize