haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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