my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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