I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
