If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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