Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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