did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
