Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
