I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
