my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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