Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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