Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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