I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
