remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
