Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
