I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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