I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
