And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
