So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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