i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
