And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
