Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
