We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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