these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This house was built for laser tag.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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