Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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