I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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