feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
