I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
