I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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