he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Vodka?
Forever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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