dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
