Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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