I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
