just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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