google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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