i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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