nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
