No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
