Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
