Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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