Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
