insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
