a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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