hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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