The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
