I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
