last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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