I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
