i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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