when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
