I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
