oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
