It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
