these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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