Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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